The penalty of idiocy

The Cadillac ELR is a fine car. Not great, but not bad at all. It's comfortable, well-appointed and drives nicely. If you're looking for a luxury electric, you should test drive it. But that's not the point of this post.

This post is about the god-awful spot that launched this pretty good car.

By now you've probably seen it. The all-too-proud American mocking others for their work ethic (or lack thereof). But in case you haven't, here it is.

First of all, Cadillac is not expecting to sell too many ELRs, especially given that this electric sled will set you back $75K. So being polarizing isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just as important for a brand to know what it doesn't stand for as what it does.

The ELR is a statement car, one that's supposed to halo the brand. Unfortunately with this spot they've made the statement that the Cadillac brand is all about "me." Egoistic, self centered, arrogant and unapologetic.

GM's PR team have argued that the spot is about success, but that's not the message one takes away from the wink and sneering use of French at the end.

I think somewhere in their misguided heads, the creative team at Cadillac's new agency, Rogue, thought they were updating this classic and brand-defining print ad from 1915 for a new generation.

If  that's the case they whiffed badly.

It's one thing to voice your objection to the critics. It's another altogether to poke fun at other people and cultures.

In doing so Cadillac has alienated the very people they are hoping will buy new ATSs, CTSs, SRXs and ELRs; BMW, Audi, Mercedes and Jaguar owners.

It's time for Cadillac to admit their mistake and pull this spot.

"N'est-ce pas."

Show us the money, please

Advertising is a game rigged in the clients' favor. They're the house and we're the marks.

They want pay-for-performance. Contracts always have a 90-day out clause. We work nights and weekends because the client will "know it when he sees it." And even when the work does produce results, that's still no guarantee we won't get fired.

Yet even as clients profess to want an agency that's a "partner," they go and do something like this...

I know that agencies aren't perfect. I know they sometimes miss the strategic mark. And when they produce ads like Innocean did for Hyundai, they deserve to be fired.

But I know one thing agencies aren't.

A bank.

P&G, InBev and the other corporate behemoths are stretching payments out 75, 90 and even 120 days to make more money with "their" money. In the meantime, agencies need to dip into cash reserves or borrow more money to make payroll and pay suppliers.

As an industry we're happy to give you are hearts, our souls, and even at times our dignity. The least you can do is pay us on time.

The last straw

Last night at 11:20 pm I posted the following message on Facebook:

I mean it.

After years of the NFL treating fans who shell out $95 and up per game like extras in a Cecil B. DeMille production, former players like broken cars that can be towed to the junkyard after they're all used up, and television viewers like fools who can't tell the difference between real officials and referees who don't seem qualified to officiate Pop Warner games, I'm done.

And not just until the "real" referees return. I will no longer plan my Sundays around the 11:00 pregame show.

I will no longer watch Monday Night Football, Sunday Night Football, Thursday Night Football, the NFL on Fox, CBS or any other network, all of which I've watched religiously for the past 20 years.

This is what happens when brand fanatics are betrayed. The fall is swift and hard.

I have no respect for brands that don't respect me. I don't buy their products. I don't support their services. I'm sure there are many others like me who feel the same way.

The NFL has demonstrated clearly that it cares very little about the people from whom they generate their billions of dollars of revenue every year.

They've proven that "player safety" are just random words they say on a regular basis to calm the masses after yet another particularly violent and vicious hit.

Hello home improvement projects, Volvo restoration, day trips, books and naps.

Goodbye NFL. I'll miss you. But not that much.

Advocates do it for love, not money

You can't have a conversation about marketing these days without someone bringing up the need to create "Brand Advocates."

As the term suggests advocates are people who are not employed by your company yet talk positively about your brand in conversations with their friends either in person or online in fora like blogging, Facebook, Linked In and Twitter.

Advocates are a wonderful asset. The perceived third-party nature of their endorsements enhances the credibility of their reviews and recommendations, making them more effective than traditional marketing tactics. We all have friends who tell us how great their iPhones are, how much they love their Ford, how easy it is to use TurboTax, etc. As marketers we all know how valuable advocates can be.

The question is, "how do you create brand advocates?"

It's simple really: create a product, service, or experience worth talking about. That's it.

Solve a problem in a remarkable way. Create a polarizing design. Offer service that goes above and beyond anyone's expectations. Those are a few of the paths to creating customers who not only use your products, but are happy tell the world about them.

You don't create brand advocates by paying "influencers," offering rebates, or other marketing incentives.

If you have to pay people to say nice things about your product, they're not advocates, they're whores.

Getting to great

The difference between good and great isn't a big idea. It isn't breakthrough technology. It isn't a billion dollar launch campaign. Nor is it the celebrity you've hired to endorse your product.

The difference between good and great lies in the details.

It's in the curve of a surface.

It's in the simplicity of the interface between your device and the server.

It's in the elegance of your code.

It's in the feel and placement of a switch.

It's in the ability of salesperson to remember a new customer's name.

It's in the casting of your commercial.

It's in the editing of your newsletter.

It's in the the quality of your images.

It's in the kerning of your type.

Great ideas are a dime a dozen.

Excellence in execution is the most important determinant of success. It's what separated iPod from Zune, Ford from Chrysler, Avatar from Land of the Lost.

In a time when consumers have more choices than ever, good enough just isn't good enough. You have to sweat every detail on your great idea. People are not interested in shelling out their hard-earned pay for mediocrity.

If you're not willing to go all the way to great, you might as well not even start.

Marketing's two objectives

There is a lot of advertising out there: on television, in print, on the web, embedded in games, billboards, sponsored tweets, direct mail, vehicle wraps, tattoos, sweepstakes and believe it or not, people are still producing radio ads.

While the ultimate goal of all marketing communications is to drive sales, each piece of communication has – or should have – one objective, one reason for being, one goal it's trying to achieve. This singular focus is what makes an ad powerful. It also makes life easier for the agency team and the client.

The challenge often becomes agreeing on one objective.

Along with the proliferation of media it seems there has also been a proliferation of objectives. Phrases like, "create buzz" "spark engagement," "leverage our network," "enhance our pop culture cred," and a lot of other nonsense appear all the time in Ad Age and Adweek.

Essentially, though, there are really only two objectives for commercial communication:

1. Generate trial for your product or service
2. Convince those who've tried your product to continue to buy it

Too many campaigns seem to lack a clear idea of what they want the viewer to actually do. Awareness is great. Affinity is great. Facebook "likes" are great. Twitter followers are great. Brand esteem is great.

Ultimately, however, it's all about action that generates revenue. 

If your 'buzz' isn't connected to an objective that makes the cash register ring, it's worthless.

Bad ads start out as bad concepts

I was just about finished with a review of the awful new Geico "Taste Test" campaign, when I realized that writing a scathing but hilarious critique wasn't going to help anyone.

We can all see how bad the campaign is.

We all know why it's bad.

The important thing is to learn how not to make something that bad for your brand.

So as a public service I offer the following to ad managers and marketing directors everywhere.

If you hear three or more of the following phrases in the presentation of a new campaign, tell your agency to go back and try again.

1. Have you ever seen (insert movie title, tv show, video game, commercial here)?
2. Everybody knows our brand promise. We don't have to hit them over the head.
3. You have to cut through the clutter.
4. It doesn't matter what people are saying. As long they are talking about the advertising, it's doing its job.
5. You are not the target. It is not important whether you like it or not.
6. This has viral hit written all over it.
7. Our target is media savvy and understands the subtleties of brand communications.
8. Advertising isn't about selling, it's about creating (awareness, preference, buzz, etc.)
9. It'll be funny. We'll get the Farrelly brothers to direct it.
10. Trust us.

I hope this helps prevent you from making the same mistake the folks at Geico did.

Friday ramble

A few random thoughts on a cool, rainy Friday morning.

Why does the Food Network have so many ads for bad food on it? Last night alone I saw ads for candy bars, flavorless microwave meals and fast food restaurants. Apparently people who watch Food Network cook as often as people who watch porn have sex.

So VW/Audi bought Ducati for $1.12 billion, just a few dollars more than Facebook paid for Instagram. In both cases the amounts were described as pocket change. I have to get pockets that big.

Why did the NFL start its own network when ESPN seems to cover every little detail of the league 24/7/365? Who's ready to watch the NFL draft next week in prime time?

In an effort to increase his engagement with fans, LeBron James just hired SapientNitro to handle his website and social media presence. Now the only thing bigger than his ego is his ad budget.

Hulu is adding four original programs to its line up. Apparently, we don't have enough to watch between all the channels on our cable, satellite, Youtube, Netflix and more. Time to update your song, Bruce.

The more things change...

Here's a newsflash...

Frequency is important in advertising.

In a new study by Nielsen published in something called Mobile Commerce Daily, ad recall and purchase intent increased when people saw an ad on their smart phone and tablet as well as on TV compared to people who just saw one :15 second ad on TV.

Even though the new digital evangelists would like you to believe this compounding effect is a new phenomenon created by the brilliance of mobile platforms, this is how advertising has always worked.

In the olden days before these magical devices, we put ads on television and radio, and newspapers or other relevant media to increase reach and frequency. Over the years as advertising media has evolved, the principles haven't.

The goal has always been to reach people with a relevant message at the times and places that have the most impact.

While new technology makes this easier and hopefully more effective than ever, what isn't new is the principle behind the behavior.

It's not rocket science. It's advertising.

Real klassy Sears

So this is what Sears has become.

A retail chain so desperate for attention that they're willing to throw away what little brand equity they have left to hook up with the Kardashians.

Sears is not the first mass retailer to collaborate with a celebrity designer. But in the cases of Target with Jason Wu and Kohl's with Vera Wang, their co-conspirators have actually accomplished something and gained a level of respect in the fashion industry.

Who's wearing anything from the Kardashian Kollection (yes, it really is spelled with a K) other than a few reality stars and "celebrities" whose fame will be lucky to outlive a fruit fly?

I may be wrong. There may be some fans of Kourtney & Kim take..., Keeping up with..., and their other "work" who are willing to rush to the mall for this stuff.

But if aligning with the Kardashians and spelling Kollection with a K are the best ideas Sears has to klass up their image, they might as well kall it kwits and klose their doors.

This isn't going to save them from Walmart, Target, or anybody else who has a real brand position.

Artisan, defined craftsmanship, dies at 474

Artisan, a word that meant: one that produces something in limited quantities using traditional methods, has lost all its meaning over the past six months when international restaurant brands Domino's and Dunkin' Donuts began selling "Artisan" products.

Born in 1538, from Middle French and Northern Italian parents, Artisan is best known for defining craftspeople like silversmiths, cheese and wine makers, luthiers and other highly talented individuals in the culinary and visual arts and trades.

Artisan has been suffering from overuse for several years, beginning with its adoption by Starbucks in 2007, but its demise quickly accelerated in 2009 when Wendy's introduced its Artisan Egg Sandwich "Made with fresh cracked Grade A Eggs, natural Asiago cheese, freshly cooked Applewood Smoked Bacon or all natural sausage and Hollandaise sauce all atop a honey-wheat artisan muffin toasted to order."

In 2010, Artisan was put on life support when the world's largest snack food company introduced Tostitos® Artisan Recipes® tortilla chips. Mass produced, but formed and packaged to look hand-made, these chips opened the floodgates for other non-artisinal applications.

Artisan is survived by the words craftsman, handworker, handicrafter, tradesman and artist.

There will be no memorial service, but family members request purchases be made in Artisan's name at local bakeries, restaurants and other independent retailers.

Fiat #Fail

It's official. 

Oliver Francois is no longer the marketing genius he proclaims himself to be. With this spot all credibility he had from approving the Eminem Super Bowl ad is well and truly gone. 

Somebody needs to acquaint Mr. Francois with the word strategy. 

First there was Fiat as icon. Then there was JLo. Then a hot babe, a dweeb and cup of cappuccino. And now Charlie Sheen.

If his goal was to be wildly inconsistent and incredibly irrelevant, he succeeded.

I get that the Abarth is supposed to represent the dark side of the cute li'l 500, but Charlie Sheen may be the single most unlikeable celebrity this side of Snooki. His smirking mug at the end of the spot doesn't make me want to buy a Fiat, it makes me – in the immortal words of Rick Santorum – want to throw up.

It's time for Chrysler/Fiat to put somebody in charge of marketing who doesn't think a drug-addled, self-absorbed d-lister is an appropriate spokesperson.

An open letter to Nabisco marketing

Dear Wheat Thins brand management team:

I hate it when other people make me look stupid. (I really don't need any help.)

That's exactly what you did last Thursday night when Steven Colbert announced that you were his new integrated sponsor.

I'm not sure which genius on your team at Nabisco thought it would be a good idea to send a brand guidelines memo along with a box of crackers to Mr. Colbert. If you were expecting him to do anything other than make fun of it, maybe you should have watched the show, say, once.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

The problem isn't with the brand guidelines memo. I've written a few. They're all jargon-filled missives about brand archetypes, personality, values, ideal customer profiles, symbols, usage occasions and the like. And really, yours isn't that bad.

Brand guidelines are important for the team creating the ads, websites and promotions. But do you know who they are not important for? A comedian like Colbert whose whole schtick is based upon biting the hand that feeds him.

Sending him that memo was like putting a lame barasingha in a tiger cage.

Now everyone knows we marketeers are navel-gazing twits who write incomprehensible sentences like "Wheat Thins keep you on the path to, and proud of, doing what you love to do, no matter what that is."

The brand guidelines are in place so you, Mr. Brand Manager, don't align yourself with comedians like Colbert – or anyone else on Comedy Central, a channel dedicated to making fun of everyone and everything on God's green earth – if you don't want to become the butt of his joke.

If you even thought there was a chance Mr. Colbert was going to leak the contents of your memo and put 17 Wheat Thins in his mouth – really, if you watched the show, you'd know that chance was about 99.99997% – you should have looked for another Sponsortunity.

I hope we've all learned something here today.

Sincerely,

Harvey

A robot car? No thank you

I love to drive.

I love to belt myself in behind the wheel, turn the key, hit the accelerator, engage the clutch and rocket off down the road to wherever my future may lead.

That's why I hate the idea of an autonomous car.

I'm not going to get into the whole "can they make it fool-proof?" argument.

Sure, current cars suffer from occasional electromechanical glitches that prevent airbags from deploying, induce acceleration without warning or cause wiring harnesses to overheat, resulting in failures of the lights and brakes. But that's still no reason to believe we won't be able to just sit back and read the paper, watch TV, check our stock quotes or make hot, sweaty jungle love to our sweeties while our robot cars safely guide us down the highway.

Even if we could be assured all the sensors and controls will work as directed 100% of the time, I still don't like the idea.

I learned a lot about myself and life behind the wheel of a car. I learned about responsibility, self control, physics, focus, and human behavior. If all our cars drive themselves, where will we learn those oh so important life lessons?

I understand the need to make driving safer. But if people are too stupid to realize they shouldn't be applying mascara or sending a text message while they're hurtling down the road at 70 miles per hour, maybe they shouldn't be driving.

That doesn't mean this won't happen. If you take a look at the graphic, you'll see it's from a personal-injury law firm. My guess is this is a warning shot across the bow of the auto companies. Lawsuits for not having this technology in place will now be de rigueur every time some moron runs his car into a telephone pole because he was too busy trying to find a song on his iPod.

Beautiful lies

People have long accused advertisers of being shameless hucksters, weasels, liars and worse. This commercial from Nissan is a classic example of why.

While the copy doesn't actually say it, the clear implication is that the Nissan Leaf is better for the environment than a gasoline powered car because it runs on electricity.

Here's the copy for the spot so elegantly read by Robert Downey, Jr.

What is the value of zero? 

Is it nothing? 

Imagine zero dependency on foreign oil.

Zero pollutants in our environment. 

Zero depletion of the ozone. 

Suddenly zero starts adding up. 

Which is why we at Nissan built a car inspired by zero. 

Because zero is worth more than nothing.
Zero is worth everything.

The zero gas 100% electric Nissan Leaf.

Innovation for the planet. Innovation for all.

You see, the Leaf is inspired by zero, so it must be better than a gas powered car, right?

Wrong.

An electric car uses up to .3 kWh per kilometer of energy which creates about 200 grams of CO2 emissions at your typical U.S. power plant. The average gasoline-powered car produces 167 grams of CO2 per kilometer at the tailpipe.

So this shiny, happy plug-in electric that can barely go 40 miles before you need to recharge it, is actually responsible for putting more greenhouse gasses in the air than my Audi.

Electric cars are not the answer; not given our current battery technology and our antiquated power generation system that burns mostly coal.

If you're really concerned about the environment drive less, carpool, take the bus, ride a bicycle, turn down your thermostat, recycle your cans, but don't buy an electric car; at least until all our power comes from solar, wind and hydroelectric and that's going to happen right about... never.

No matter how Nissan and Chiat try to spin it, this car will not clean up our world.

The worst of the worst

A few weeks ago The Consumerist magazine invited its readers to nominate and vote to determine which commercials are the worst on television. A sister publication of Consumer Reports, The Consumerist is the perfect place for this type of competition because of its overall disdain for advertising and its readers heavy skepticism of businesses.

That having been said, this is one of the best lists I've seen in a long time. It includes the AT&T spot I ranted about last week, the incredibly horrible Summer's Eve Hail to the V spots, and this gem from Luvs, voted Worst Ad in America...



Creating spots this bad isn't easy. You have to come up with a horrible idea, convince the creative director, the account team and the client that it's really not that bad. Then somehow you persuade the songwriter's agent that money is more important than his dignity while finding an animator who has the sense of humor of a seven year old.

Congratulations to the folks at Saatchi for this well-deserved win.