Royal fail

With a name like Quantum of the Seas, you'd expect Royal Caribbean's newest ship to have an introductory video that's big, really big. Unfortunately this 8-minute exercise in overstatement substitutes big for interesting. 

Featuring a cast of B, C, and D list celebrities – a note to the producers, if one of your "stars" has to identify himself on camera, you might want to consider recasting – this digital tour de farce blends the whiz-bang CGI technology with lame jokes and banal dialogue to create a short film that feels longer and more tragic than Titanic.

I dare you to watch all 8-minutes of it.

I get that the idea is to sell the experience and all the amenities, all the things that make this new product different, special and better. But cramming a video full of special effects, celebrities and superlatives describing and demonstrating its features isn't enough. It needs an idea. A story. An arc. Give me a reason to pay attention and care.

Yes, this ship is awesome. Yes, apparently it's bigger and more posh than any to come before. Unfortunately all anyone will remember upon watching this video is the bad writing, bad acting, and bad feeling they are left with after wasting 8-minutes of their lives watching this.